Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Missing Tryn

I miss Tryn. This is the longest time that I have ever been away from her in 2 ½ years and I can’t wait for her to come home. Steve and I had to come home to get back to work after the Christmas holiday and so I decided to leave Tryn up with the rest of my family. Her cousin Brendyn, who is two months older than her, was still up at my mom and dad’s and he is her little bff Brendyn calls Trynica ‘my Tryn’. I thought it would be great for them to get to spend some time together and also figured it would be a nice break for us to have her away for three or four days.
All was fine until I woke up on Sunday morning with the thought of making our usual weekend pancake breakfast. Once I realized that there would be nobody there who really cared about pancakes as much as Tryn does my idea lost its steam. It’s not worth it to go through all the work of pancakes where there isn’t someone there jumping up and down and squealing for her first bite of a pancake. Tryn can eat almost as many pancakes as I can.

I also thought it would be easier to do the whole running-around-Steve-dropping-me-off-at-work thing with only one kid to worry about. Great until I realized that there was really nobody else in the car who cared intensely whether I stayed or not. There was nobody to earnestly tell me, “I will pick you up,” as Tryn does every time I get out of the car. There were two other people who cared a little bit, but Tryn is so passionate about her feelings.

I also missed sharing my dinner with her. We still have not made it to the grocery store after coming back from our Christmas holiday and so we got asian take-out. Tryn and I always share a dish, which usually limits my choices (as I don’t want to get anything with too much spice that she can’t handle). This time I realized that I don’t really like any of the choices that she can’t eat anyway. And I just missed her sitting next to me telling me whether she would like a bit of chicken or rice next.

I have talked to her on the phone every morning and every night since I left her on Saturday morning. It’s great, she will tell me about her day and what she has been doing. I will ask her, “How are you, Tryn?” and she will say, “Good. How are you?” and I tell her that I am doing good too and that I miss her and she says, “Yeah.” She asks me how Berlin is and what Berlin is doing and then, usually without warning she says “Bye,” and suddenly a grownup in on the phone with me. I am glad that she is having fun and that she is not heartbroken that I am not there with her, but I don’t know how excited I am about suddenly realizing that I will probably feel this way many times over the next several years. Sad that my baby is growing up. Sad that she is gaining independence and doesn’t need me twenty-four-seven anymore. And a little sad that having a ‘dance party’ in the living room is more exciting that talking to her mom on the phone…oh well, this is what we train our kids to do, right? Be independent? I am glad that it is working.


amy + ryan said...

oh, SAD! this post made ME miss tryn! such a sweetie-pie. yay for seeing her again!

Erin Bennett said...

So sweet. I, too, would welcome a break from Jack, but I'm sure I'd miss him within 3 hours. :)

Dawn said...

Heidi, you are such a GOOD MOMMY!! How do you know you are a good mommy? When it breaks your heart to see how much you've succeeded! I loved the little insights into your everyday intimacies with Tryn. She's an amazing little girl and the years ahead will only be MORE WONDERFUL as your interaction with her grows. Trust me...I have Amy as proof. I'm so glad you have two sweet daughters to raise into two friends for you. :-)